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Aug 10How to be Alone.
I’ve been thinking about life and being alone a lot since Ali started going in to contract for a local company. We’ve been together all day, every day of the week, for much of 2010 and while we seek out personal space in different sections of our living areas, it’s been wonderful to share so much time together. I certainly don’t take it for granted and know that many of our friends (especially those with difficult jobs and/or children) have to be extra careful to schedule in quality spouse time every week.
The first day he went to work and I was alone here in Portland, I took a walk around our neighborhood shops. Aside from some small interactions with shopkeepers and people on the street, I felt a little aimless. I don’t have money to spend nor do I want any more stuff, so I was browsing to appreciate the beauty of portland curation and to learn about my neighbors. But as I was walking down the street, a wave of loneliness hit me for the first time. There was a moment where the fact that I was alone became tangible, like a wave of reality.
I don’t have a judgment for this feeling, and I don’t share it here to get sympathy from friends in other places. Yoga teaches me a valuable skill: observe, while withholding judgment. As someone who tends to be opinionated this is probably the best bullet point I have absorbed on this year of sabbatical. Whether its my inability to get my body into “Bird of Paradise” or my feeling of sudden isolation, I am trying not to ascribe a right or wrong, or good or bad and rather try to learn from these observations what I need to do next for balance and healthfulness.
Here’s a poem that teaches you how to be alone.
August 18th, 2010 at 2:26 pm
I like it when ideas present themselves in multiple forms. This afternoon I was reading the words of Jesus (recorded by Matthew) and this is what he says: “Don’t judge. Instead, ask seek and knock.” Wow.
August 18th, 2010 at 5:07 pm
Glad to read your writing again. I am so sorry I never got back to your e-mail you sent me ages ago! I dealt with this feeling a lot this summer because Chris was out of town (overnight, most of the time) teaching five days a week. I have always thought of myself as “good” at being alone, but now that I have been half of a couple for seven years, I don’t so much feel that way any more. It was an adjustment. But it was good to miss each other, too.
August 18th, 2010 at 5:41 pm
Hi Kate, no worries about the email. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the subject of being alone.
August 18th, 2010 at 6:18 pm
i saw this video earlier too. honestly, i was hoping for something more awesome.
alone, isolated, lonely. all different things. sometimes i feel all of those, sometimes i feel none, sometimes a combination. and life as a single woman marches on.
August 18th, 2010 at 6:54 pm
i didn’t even realize you had a spot for comments on your blog…hence the tweet. Love this! recently, i’ve become ok with being alone. once out of a relationship last year, i traveled to greece alone and established that i was able to dine alone with no problems. just do it once and you’re ok. since then i’ve done lots of stuff alone. this summer, i’ve met someone and feel a romantic connection again and now maybe it’s not going anywhere, or at least not going anywhere that matches with my need for a companion…i find myself longing more for a companion that i’ve had a small taste of it. i value my independence as a single woman and ability to be alone but at the same time long for true love. is it better to just be alone rather than go through a period of missing someone or longing for something more? i apologize for my haphazard thoughts…i guess i’m thinking too much for the comment space!
August 19th, 2010 at 6:01 pm
Maria, I kind of expected that you would take that critique of the video. I think that the poem is a gorgeous lesson for everyone, whether attached or single.
Hey Joy, Ali just recently added a more convenient link for comments. I’m so glad he did, I really enjoy hearing others’ reactions to the posts. I’m really inspired by your travel experiences!
August 19th, 2010 at 7:20 pm
ha. i’m very experienced at being alone, so clearly i get up in arms when someone attempts to tell me how to do it.
August 19th, 2010 at 7:46 pm
[can ali magically show how MANY comments there are? that would be super.]
August 20th, 2010 at 1:07 pm
Maria, why don’t you ask him? That would be super duper.